There were millions of reasons why I never entered into relationships before. My mind and heart always tell me not to trust a man whenever he compliments me. I’ve tattooed in my system not to trust someone who tells me that I am beautiful, or pretty, or kind, or nice, or anything positive. I never believed in myself to be someone good.
What I see is a simple woman. A woman who doesn’t deserve admiration from anyone because of my imperfections, flaws, weirdness and faults.
It all change when I meet my first boyfriend “Baby Juju”. Once in my life I never thought someone will give a very big impact to my life. My baby had a brave heart to love an awkward woman like me. A woman like me don’t have a perfect heart, mind and body. He still accept and love me even I’m not perfect. He made me realized how beautiful my smile and my pleasing personality.
I always wish to be bold, great, free, and incredible. Then a beautiful deep voice woke me up and told me that I can be just being me- that’s simplicity. Simplicity is not about wearing simple clothes. It’s not about not putting on make-up. It’s not about letting go of my desires to fix myself the way I want it to be.
My sweetest boyfriend told me that simplicity is simply being true to myself. It’s about showing the world who I am and letting them know that I’m simply “this.” I don’t have to add or subtract something from my wholeness just to have someone who will appreciate my simplicity.
I don’t have to pretend that I have a sweet laugh when in fact; I really have a loud laugh. I don’t have to make myself look rich when I’m a daughter of a humble man who is working hard just so he can provide my needs. I don’t have to make others believe that I am intelligent when I am struggling every night in order to understand my lessons. I don’t have to be someone different from who I really am.
This is me and its simplicity.
Do you ever just love someone and it feels like a Rainbow Romance?
And when I express my love, I choose to spend my time talking to him; I listen attentively to him. Every time he speak, his deep words engraved inside my heart and I value what he has to say because somewhere between the lines are underlying stories of he is.
And when I express my love, I would love to spend my day to be with his side even we are separated by thousand miles. I will send pictures to him every day in order for him not to feel lonely. I know it’s hard being in a long distance relationship. He can’t hold my hands and I can’t even give him a warm hug whenever he feels sad or down.
And when I express my love, I want to make memories with him and no matter how hard the world tries to make the memories fade. No matter how hard to adjust in different time zone, while trying to learn another language and respecting different cultures. We will conquer everything by trusting each other.
And when I express my love, Love means I choose to support him and stand by him, despite the failure and success, because I have a clear understanding of who I love and it’s him, not his possessions.
And when I express my love, Love means I choose to be with him every single day; and the day can be good or bad but I don’t care because a day means being with him and that single fact makes everything bearable and fine. I love to wake up early while gazing to his beautiful eyes and smile staring back at me.
And when I express my love, Love means having no words to explain it’s the most precious emotions that can be only felt inside our hearts. It’s like a strong heartstrings that were attached no matter how far the distance it would never break us.